Tag Archives: relationships

Addiction Recovery: First Relationships in Sobriety

addiction recovery

Addiction recovery revolves around self-care; tending to physical, mental, and spiritual well-being is paramount. While these facets of working a program are simple in theory, they are challenging to manage in practice, for some.

Each person with a history of addiction understands that the disease, when active, deprives them of being able to lead a healthy life. Soon they begin to grasp that to stay on course will require their vigilance in adhering to a lifestyle that means putting welfare first. Still, many people in early recovery will seek distractions from the cause which can prove detrimental.

The first year of addiction recovery is an unstable period for most individuals; it takes significant lengths of time for the mind to heal. It may take even longer for men and women to trust their decision-making process. Learning to make the next right move, continually, takes practice; and, following the lead of others is especially helpful.

Persons learn to adhere to the various principles of recovery from those who have come before. So, in a sense, addiction recovery is something that is passed down. Newcomers discover how others maintain by attending meetings, working with sponsors or recovery coaches, and listening. There is much to glean from a two-minute share; one might find the solution to a current problem by paying attention.

Some people, with little recovery time, will convince themselves that they are ready to dive back into life at full tilt. It is understandable! After years of being consumed by addiction, many newly sober individuals find themselves with an insatiable hunger for life. While a carpe diem attitude is okay for people without mental illness, those in early addiction recovery benefit from pumping the brakes. Taking on too much, too quickly, is risky.

Keeping Responsibility In Check

Working a program teaches that recovery must come first. Healing and progress are top priorities for all who desire lasting recovery. Unfortunately, many pitfalls and traps can destabilize one’s program. Too much responsibility and romantic entanglements are two of the most significant causes of relapse. Of course, the latter source of trouble can be folded into the first.

Committing oneself to be emotionally available, to be present for a partner, is a significant responsibility. Along the road of addiction, many men and women never experience or forget the look of a healthy relationship. What worked (or didn’t) while using is unlikely to be helpful once in recovery. It’s probably fair to say that most people in recovery didn’t know what a wholesome relationship looked like before finding sobriety.

While working a program enables people to strive for non-toxic romance, it is not a guarantee. Removing drugs and alcohol from the picture, alone, does not provide people with the tools necessary for being in a nourishing partnership. Such skills come about through working the steps with a sponsor and continued sobriety. Many people discover that there are codependency issues that must be worked out before being in a committed relationship.

Males and females must engage in how to be responsible and accountable to their recovery, first. Relationships ask a lot of individuals, tending to the needs of others cause one to neglect their own. While the comfort of another human is always lovely, those who seek it in early recovery risk jeopardizing their program.

Ideally, those seeking romance will have a strong support network in place and have a fair amount of clean and sober time. Moreover, those who wish to be romantic also benefit from having worked all the steps beforehand, significantly.

Pets, Plants, and Romance in Addiction Recovery

There are many divergent opinions about relationships in early recovery. "The Big Book" does not specify an exact length of time to wait before becoming involved. However, sponsors often encourage sponsees to work the steps and wait a year. The year rule can also apply to other aspects of life; waiting a year before taking on notable obligations is helpful, too.

Some sponsors say that if a person can nourish a plant, then maybe they can handle a pet. If they can tend to a pet, then perhaps they can sustain a relationship. The object of attention isn’t as vital as the ability to manage its needs.

Men and women in early recovery may balk at such advice, but there is wisdom behind the suggestion. Taking care of a plant, for instance, can be beneficial to well-being in more ways than one. Katie Wheeler, a Seattle-based illustrator, has some informative thoughts about rearing plants.

Her cartoon, appearing in The Washington Post, lays out her thoughts in a simple way that anyone can understand. Tending to plants is about “caring for something and feeling satisfied to see it thrive.” One can apply the lessons laid bare in Wheelers illustration to multiple areas of life. She writes:

Every morning I have the same routine...There are a lot of plants in my house, hiding on every bookshelf and table...And they all require special care. If this sounds like a lot of work. It really isn’t. It’s almost like meditation. I’m grateful for the distraction their care provides, the silence before my brain whirs into gear, listing my obligations for the day. It’s very grounding, to care for something and watch it grow. It reminds me to take a moment for myself and acknowledge my own needs.”

Gender-Specific Addiction Recovery Center

Addiction recovery is a process; steps are taken to ensure continual progress each day. Hopefully, people in early recovery will recognize the value in holding off on taking on too many obligations. Slow and steady is a mantra worth repeating when feeling impatient. It always helps to remember that others have dealt with similar wants and desires. Whenever you are unsure, it’s best to defer to the guidance of individuals who have more time in the program.

At PACE Recovery Center, we specialize in helping young men establish and adopt routine, structure, purpose, and accountability. The environment we offer allows men to develop lasting connections with other men in recovery. What’s more, our gender-specific treatment center mitigates the risk of clients facing romantic distractions. We invite you to contact us today if you are an adult male who is ready to make the journey toward lasting recovery.

Addiction Recovery Treatment Without Distraction

addiction recovery

If you have been in recovery for some time you know that romantic relationships can be risky. Especially in early addiction recovery. We have written in the past about the potential for messy relationships leading to relapse. With the goal of long-term recovery in mind, avoiding relationships in early recovery should be a priority.

Addiction recovery asks a lot of the individuals who would like to succeed. There are many recommendations and suggestions put forward by the basic texts of addiction recovery. As well as from counselors, therapists and sponsors. Co-ed addiction treatment facilities work tirelessly to avoid fraternization involving clients (much to the chagrin of the said clients). But, there are logical reasons for keeping people in treatment at more than arm’s length from each other. It should be said again, rarely does anything good ever come from a relationship in early recovery.

Try as counselors and behavioral technicians might, certain clients manage to become involved with each other while in treatment. Just as sponsees, against their sponsor’s advice, entangle themselves with other individuals in early recovery. Relapse is not a forgone conclusion of such scenarios, but it is more common than you might think. Even if drugs or alcohol never come into the picture during recovery trysts, problems can arise. Because, when you are focused on the needs of another, it is hard to give your own program 100 percent. Although, for the purposes of this article, the cart may be ahead of the horse at the moment. Let’s focus on treatment.

Early Addiction Recovery Romance

There are many excellent co-ed addiction recovery centers across the country. Every year these centers help thousands of Americans ascend from the depths of despair to the heights of recovery. Some of you reading this may have years of sobriety after beginning the journey in a co-ed facility. Unfortunately, at such rehab centers there are number of clients who have trouble keeping their desires at bay. Choosing not to stay totally focused on one’s reason for seeking treatment in the first place.

It is not necessarily the fault of the client. After years of drug and/or alcohol dependence, and then sudden cessation, the mind can fire off all but forgotten signals. After acute withdrawal subsides, many clients find themselves with a wandering eye. Looking for a way to fill a void left behind when the substances are out of the picture. Perhaps a way to sate one’s urges and desires. In some cases, a client's eyes may catch sight of another client. And voila!

Many an unhealthy relationship takes shape inside the confines of co-ed addiction recovery facility. In such cases, clients lose sight of what’s most important. As opposed to working a program of recovery, two clients begin working a “program of each other.” It is not uncommon for a client to make another client their higher power. Often without either one of them knowing this. It is a path that can lead to all kinds of problems, including expulsion from the treatment center. This is why it so important for individuals to remember what precipitated the need for treatment in the first place. Your own way didn’t work. You sought help. Deciding not to heed the policies of a treatment center would be a clear sign that one’s “disease” is still running the show.

Gender Specific Addiction Treatment

Making the decision to seek addiction recovery can change one’s life forever. Choosing which treatment facility will give you the best shot of achieving the goal of long-term addiction recovery is important. Addiction treatment centers are not one size fits all. One program may offer a feature that another doesn’t, which is why using discretion when deciding is advised. Given what has been said already regarding the dangers of romance in early recovery, you would be wise to consider the merits of gender specific addiction treatment centers. Thus, being a way of mitigating the risk of temptation.

If you are a young adult male in need of treatment, you might be thinking that such an eventuality will not be a problem for you. Saying to yourself, ‘I’m not going to dedicate all this time and money to find a woman who has just as many problems as me.’ Some men, for other reasons, won’t want to go to a facility treating only men. Perhaps craving a little diversity in recovery. It is worth noting that how you feel and think before going to treatment will change dramatically once substances are out of the picture. Trust and believe.

In active addiction, most people have been living a life of solitude for some time. Once in treatment, detoxed and beginning a program of recovery, how one thinks and feels can change quickly. Nobody goes to treatment looking for romance, many leave having regretfully found it.

Given the sates of active addiction are so high, you should do everything possible to achieve recovery. Some 142 Americans are overdosing in the United States every day. If recovery is not taken seriously, there may not be a second chance. There will be plenty of time for romance down the road.

Young Adult Male Addiction Treatment

Are you ready to take the journey of recovery? If your answer is yes, then success is contingent upon your willingness to go to any lengths. Working a program of recovery in young adulthood can be difficult. This is why it is of the utmost importance to choose a treatment center that can foresee any complication that could arise. For young adult males, the opposite sex is on the top of that list of possible complications.

Clients who seek help from PACE Recovery Center are benefited by the lack of distractions present at other co-ed facilities. We specialize in addiction recovery for young adult males, and can give the life-skills and tools for achieving success. Please contact us today, to begin the life-changing journey.

Early Recovery and Romantic Relationships

early recovery

If you are new to recovery, and have started attending 12-Step meetings, it is likely that you have been bombarded with a lot of information and tips for achieving success in the program. There is very good chance that the people you have met, in the rooms of recovery, cautioned you about people, places and things that could jeopardize your recovery. They have probably warned you about forming romantic relationships within the first year, or until you have worked all the “steps” honestly. As simple as that advice may sound, what you choose to do with that guidance could actually make or break your recovery.

Most people who enter a program of recovery, attempting to turn their life around, have no idea what a healthy relationship is, or what it looks like. Especially since most people with a history of addiction, also have a history of unhealthy relationships. People with substance abuse issues typically gravitate towards others with similar or the same problem. The old saying that ‘misery loves company’ couldn’t be further from the truth. Somebody who drinks or drugs heavily typically doesn’t want to be involved with teetotaler. Perhaps that was your experience?

There are a number of things that can get in the way of your program, especially in early recovery. It could easily be argued that after resentment, relationships take the prize for setting people in recovery on a course to relapse. If you are a young man, clean and sober from drugs and alcohol for the first time, there is a good chance that you have started bubbling with romantic ambition. It would be wise to resist the urge to pursue someone with romantic intention in early recovery. You may be reading this and are saying to yourself, “problem solved, I was in a relationship when I started the journey of living a healthier life.” While that is a valid point, if your partner is still actively using drugs and/or alcohol, it could compromise your program.

Growing Apart in Early Recovery

When you made the choice to pick up the pieces of your life, and embark on a journey of spiritual resurrection, there is a chance that your romantic partner had different plans. He or she may not be ready to admit that they, too, have a problem that needs to be addressed. Or, maybe they do not actually have a substance use disorder and are not in need of treatment or 12-Step meetings. Either way, when one’s partner is “using” while the other is not, it can and often does cause a void in the relationship. It is a schism that can manifest itself in a number of ways.

Having a partner who you once drank or drugged with (who is still using) often has a triggering effect, which could make you want to use again. Naturally, you need to be vigilant in fighting off such urges, and the best way to do that is to invest more of yourself into the program. Recovery is not something that we achieve on our own, we stay the course by forming bonds with a sponsor and a network of peers that you can lean on when times are difficult. Over time you may realize that your romantic relationship is no longer tenable, and that separating is the surest way of protecting the gains you have made in the program.

True Relationships in Early Recovery

If your partner’s continued use is having an impact on you in early recovery, talk to your sponsor and recovery peers. If they advise you to end your relationship for the sake of your recovery, that may be the best course. Your recovery, as you probably have gathered already, must come before anything else. Without your program, you cannot find the gifts of long-term recovery.

In early recovery, your relationship with a “higher power” is the most important, followed by your sponsor and support network. If your partner or spouse is not part of your support network, then she is likely having a countering effect. You have to ask yourself, what is important to you Today? Hopefully, the answer is your recovery.

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