Tag Archives: responsibility

Addiction Recovery: First Relationships in Sobriety

addiction recovery

Addiction recovery revolves around self-care; tending to physical, mental, and spiritual well-being is paramount. While these facets of working a program are simple in theory, they are challenging to manage in practice, for some.

Each person with a history of addiction understands that the disease, when active, deprives them of being able to lead a healthy life. Soon they begin to grasp that to stay on course will require their vigilance in adhering to a lifestyle that means putting welfare first. Still, many people in early recovery will seek distractions from the cause which can prove detrimental.

The first year of addiction recovery is an unstable period for most individuals; it takes significant lengths of time for the mind to heal. It may take even longer for men and women to trust their decision-making process. Learning to make the next right move, continually, takes practice; and, following the lead of others is especially helpful.

Persons learn to adhere to the various principles of recovery from those who have come before. So, in a sense, addiction recovery is something that is passed down. Newcomers discover how others maintain by attending meetings, working with sponsors or recovery coaches, and listening. There is much to glean from a two-minute share; one might find the solution to a current problem by paying attention.

Some people, with little recovery time, will convince themselves that they are ready to dive back into life at full tilt. It is understandable! After years of being consumed by addiction, many newly sober individuals find themselves with an insatiable hunger for life. While a carpe diem attitude is okay for people without mental illness, those in early addiction recovery benefit from pumping the brakes. Taking on too much, too quickly, is risky.

Keeping Responsibility In Check

Working a program teaches that recovery must come first. Healing and progress are top priorities for all who desire lasting recovery. Unfortunately, many pitfalls and traps can destabilize one’s program. Too much responsibility and romantic entanglements are two of the most significant causes of relapse. Of course, the latter source of trouble can be folded into the first.

Committing oneself to be emotionally available, to be present for a partner, is a significant responsibility. Along the road of addiction, many men and women never experience or forget the look of a healthy relationship. What worked (or didn’t) while using is unlikely to be helpful once in recovery. It’s probably fair to say that most people in recovery didn’t know what a wholesome relationship looked like before finding sobriety.

While working a program enables people to strive for non-toxic romance, it is not a guarantee. Removing drugs and alcohol from the picture, alone, does not provide people with the tools necessary for being in a nourishing partnership. Such skills come about through working the steps with a sponsor and continued sobriety. Many people discover that there are codependency issues that must be worked out before being in a committed relationship.

Males and females must engage in how to be responsible and accountable to their recovery, first. Relationships ask a lot of individuals, tending to the needs of others cause one to neglect their own. While the comfort of another human is always lovely, those who seek it in early recovery risk jeopardizing their program.

Ideally, those seeking romance will have a strong support network in place and have a fair amount of clean and sober time. Moreover, those who wish to be romantic also benefit from having worked all the steps beforehand, significantly.

Pets, Plants, and Romance in Addiction Recovery

There are many divergent opinions about relationships in early recovery. "The Big Book" does not specify an exact length of time to wait before becoming involved. However, sponsors often encourage sponsees to work the steps and wait a year. The year rule can also apply to other aspects of life; waiting a year before taking on notable obligations is helpful, too.

Some sponsors say that if a person can nourish a plant, then maybe they can handle a pet. If they can tend to a pet, then perhaps they can sustain a relationship. The object of attention isn’t as vital as the ability to manage its needs.

Men and women in early recovery may balk at such advice, but there is wisdom behind the suggestion. Taking care of a plant, for instance, can be beneficial to well-being in more ways than one. Katie Wheeler, a Seattle-based illustrator, has some informative thoughts about rearing plants.

Her cartoon, appearing in The Washington Post, lays out her thoughts in a simple way that anyone can understand. Tending to plants is about “caring for something and feeling satisfied to see it thrive.” One can apply the lessons laid bare in Wheelers illustration to multiple areas of life. She writes:

Every morning I have the same routine...There are a lot of plants in my house, hiding on every bookshelf and table...And they all require special care. If this sounds like a lot of work. It really isn’t. It’s almost like meditation. I’m grateful for the distraction their care provides, the silence before my brain whirs into gear, listing my obligations for the day. It’s very grounding, to care for something and watch it grow. It reminds me to take a moment for myself and acknowledge my own needs.”

Gender-Specific Addiction Recovery Center

Addiction recovery is a process; steps are taken to ensure continual progress each day. Hopefully, people in early recovery will recognize the value in holding off on taking on too many obligations. Slow and steady is a mantra worth repeating when feeling impatient. It always helps to remember that others have dealt with similar wants and desires. Whenever you are unsure, it’s best to defer to the guidance of individuals who have more time in the program.

At PACE Recovery Center, we specialize in helping young men establish and adopt routine, structure, purpose, and accountability. The environment we offer allows men to develop lasting connections with other men in recovery. What’s more, our gender-specific treatment center mitigates the risk of clients facing romantic distractions. We invite you to contact us today if you are an adult male who is ready to make the journey toward lasting recovery.

Sobriety: Making Positive Life Changes

sobriety

Aside from being a highly acclaimed novella by Franz Kafka, metamorphosis is also a word that holds particular significance for people transforming their lives via programs of addiction recovery. A definition of the noun states a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into an entirely different one, by natural or supernatural means. If that doesn’t nicely sum up sobriety, and the effect it can have on an individual’s life, then what does?

If you read the novel in school or for leisure, you probably remember that at its heart the story is about a man’s struggle for existence. If you are in recovery, you don’t have to read Kafka’s works to understand how arduous altering a single solitary thing in one’s life can be, let alone changing everything. Recovery demands a paradigm shift in thinking, or to steal a line from an even more relevant book, donning “A New Pair of Glasses.” Committing oneself to a program of long-term sobriety gives people a different perception; when the fog of alcohol and drugs lifts, you see things with clarity. When you work a program, it can completely alter your perspective, attitude, and it allows for continual growth in positive directions. A true metamorphosis, in every sense of the word!

With active drug and alcohol use behind us, we choose engagement over isolation. When Self is no longer harboring illusions of total control, one can develop a relationship with something higher. And, that something – while different for each of us – guides us both inside and out toward making the next right decision. In recovery, people have the tools to face their problems with a positive attitude; rather than recoiling from life’s curveballs, we take action. Positive Attitude Changes Everything!

Starting Over In Recovery

Nobody can deny that changing the people, places, and things in life is a difficult task. Even more challenging, is that individuals in recovery also have to change how they look at just about everything. Gone are the days of feeling sorry for one’s self; it is no longer OK to hold other people responsible for how life is today. Recovery teaches us that we have to take responsibility for our decisions and be accountable for the outcome of our choices. Equally vital, placing emphasis on staying accountable to others.

For many people new to working a program, there comes the realization that they cannot take this journey alone—just one of many critical epiphanies. When the seed of recovery is germinating, individuals have the awareness that the way life was before is no longer tenable. One must be present today, always making an effort to connect with men and women in their support network. Such people have to strive to be of service to others; individual sobriety is not mutually exclusive from collective recovery.

Early on in the quest for sobriety, men and women have to come to terms with the fact that life will never be the same. People who you once considered friends and allies, start looking decidedly less so; if recovery is to grow, pruning some of the underbrush of one’s past is a must. People’s environments need to change too; in recovery, going to a bar to catch up with friends isn’t safe. Engaging in activities that are inextricably connected to past substance use often have to go as well. In some cases, that includes places of employment.

Journey to Sobriety

While we specialize in working with men at PACE Recovery Center, there is much wisdom that we can glean from women taking the journey to sobriety. Author Kristi Coulter made a critical decision recently about the line of work she was in; a choice which many men in recovery can probably relate. Before she earned recognition for writing about her life sober, Coulter held several executive positions with Amazon. Kristi held jobs that many people could only dream of, which is why it may come as a surprise that last February Coulter quit working in the tech sector. Now, she is thoroughly committed to writing about the new quest she is on—sobriety.

Coulter got sober in 2013. Since then she has documented her life on her blog, Off-Dry, Seattle Magazine reports. With five years free from alcohol under her belt, she published a collection of essays titled "Nothing Good Can Come from This" (released August 7). She tells Woolfer in an interview that the book is about “what happens when a high-achieving, deeply unhappy fortysomething woman gives up the ‘one’ thing she really thinks she can’t live without–wine–and has to remake her entire sense of self from the ground up.” She talks about working in the high-stress tech-sector, about how alcohol use and addiction is pervasive in the industry. Like many people new to sobriety, she began penning her thoughts. An essay that she wrote was picked up and led to a book deal. Coulter says she hopes her writing will inspire others to confront their relationship with substances.

I’d love for people to think, ‘What would my life be like after I got rid of the thing that I know I don’t need but [that] I can’t seem to walk away from?’”

Addiction Recovery

At PACE, we take a dynamic approach to our men's addiction and mental health treatment program. We help clients face the underlying issues of their condition(s) and teach men how to discard self-defeating behaviors and adopt attitudes of positivity. Please contact us to learn more about how we can make the dream of recovery your long-term reality.

Contact Us

...